Dear Baby,
You are still tiny and inside my tummy, growing bigger and stronger every day so that you can survive our rough world when you finally decide to grace us with your presence in the next few months. You don’t know it yet but mommy and daddy have thought a lot about your future. We’ve had a lot of problems lately and we only want what’s best for you so you have constantly been on our minds. Our decisions now could effect you forever, so we have to be very careful about what we decide.
I wish that I could tell you that you’ll be coming home to the perfect happy family, but that’s just not the case. Someday, you will realize that, probably, all families are less than perfect. We have our bad areas, but we also have some good too. I just hope that we can show you the good stuff much more than the bad. I hope that we can teach you to choose to look at the bright side, because this world is filled with dark sides everywhere you turn. I hope that you can someday understand that, even though mommy and daddy argue a lot, I think we really do love each other. And it was that love that brought you into our family.
Me and you will have a few days alone in the hospital, but when you come home daddy and your big brother will be waiting for you. Now, your brother isn’t very big yet either, he’s still just a baby like you, so you can learn and play and grow together. I don’t think he really knows what’s going on yet, you will be quite a surprise for him! Although I think you will both come to understand with time. Mommy and daddy, we don’t have any brothers and sisters, so this is all new to us too. We’re all going to have to learn about family together.
But that also means you don’t have any aunts or uncles, or cousins. I imagine this will make you feel lonely at times, but mommy and daddy will do our best to give you all of the love you need. I can only hope that we are enough for you. I hope we never make you feel like you are alone. I hope you can share everything with us without fear. I hope we can all be happy together.
When your brother was in my tummy, we found out pretty early that he was a boy, we even had his name picked out before we made it home from the doctors office that day. You have been a lot more difficult for us. We’ve been waiting and waiting and guessing and thinking, and finally at 28 weeks, you showed us your bits!
Your boy bits!
There is no denying that you are a boy. And we have no idea what to name you yet. I’m sure we’ll come up with a great name eventually, there’s even someone at daddy’s work trying to name you! His ideas are a bit crazy, but it’s going to be a great story for you someday. Mommy and daddy, we have a few ideas but none of them are just right. It has to be just right, because that is what you are to us.
Being Honest About What We Want
Babies are a big deal.
Like a really big deal. They change your whole life. And going from one baby to two, well that’s a big deal too.
To be honest, I’m a bit scared of how exactly life is going to work with TWO babies to watch all the time. I’m worried about being able to leave the house. How exactly am I going to manage two babies in public? I’m worried about just being home with them. How will I even find a few minutes to myself? I’m also worried about being able to care for two children at once. Just how on earth am I going to manage it? I’ve thought about so many things over the past few months.
Now, I know my fears are a bit exaggerated by the fact that it’s just a life change, albeit a big one. I know people do it all the time. Some people even have it worse off than I do and still manage it. I know I can do it too, but the fear, well, it remains. A big part of that may be because of the issues that my husband and I have, some things are really just still unclear at this point. I’m hoping we can move past it, but it’s going to take some time. I just don’t want it to effect the baby too much.
Another big fear is definitely centered on having two boys.
My husband and I really did want a girl this time around, if we’re completely honest. I know some (probably most) people will just keep saying “as long as the baby is healthy it doesn’t matter!” If course we’re hoping for our child’s good health, we’re not crazy, but we did want a girl. It’s not as if we prefer girls to boys, but we have a boy already. If we had a girl this time, I know for certain that we wouldn’t be having another baby anytime soon. Since we’re having a boy, baby number three is somewhere in our future. Plus, little girls get amazing clothes!
Of course we’re going to love our new little boy. It’s not as if we’d not love him! He’s going to be adorable, he’s our baby after all! It’s simply that a girl would have meant that we could be done making babies if that’s what we decided. We both definitely want both, at least one boy and one girl.
So yeah, I’ll be honest. I’m a little disappointed. And saying this publicly isn’t exactly easy because I know how people are about these things. I wanted to dress up my baby in all kinds of cute clothes and buy the pink toys and blankets instead of the blue ones. I wanted another girl in the house because now I’m SO outnumbered! And honestly, I have no idea how to play with little boys yet, I’m certain my husband will be great though. He’s really just a big kid himself.
Despite all I wanted, the little guy will be loved and cared for. I’ll get over being disappointed.
Tiny Baby Feet!
Unsealed Letters to You 